My medicine is NOT working but my mom says I should be grateful I have what I have anyway!
Originally Posted by Mom : As long as you're not having 12 a day, be grateful. It is working.
I am grateful but I don't want them period! And the aura's, partials and side effects are driving me up a d@m wall. My side affects in particular, I can't get sentences out right. I'm stumbling and tripping, literally and figuratively though, day by day. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of Merry-Go-Round of Doom!

I feel terrible that my mom has to do all this crap for me. Paying for medicine that barely keeps up. I don't TRUST my doctors. Pretty much don't feel like any of them care or even try to. I feel like they put their own wallets ahead of my well being. I'm scared that they are going to make me live like this forever! I can't do that, I want to go back to school.

I know I can, obviously, even if I do have to live with my seizures but I feel so out of control, I just feel like sleeping all day and night! Which I do anyway because my medicine KO's me every time I see the light of day! I'm becoming way photo-phobic! (no, not scared of day light! Photosensitive) Florescent lights, dim lights, the sun! Every time I'm under one it puts me to sleep so fast, I don't know what hits me!I literally have to go to sleep otherwise I pass out where I am. My whole body HURTS under the lights until I go lay down.

That's another thing! How am I suppose to get anything done when I'm sleeping day and night! I feel completely useless! I can't do my Chinese lessons, I have the attention span of a fly. When I'm not sleeping, I'm in pain. this stupid nerve thing makes unmanageable headaches. Also, I'm gaining weight and I don't know why. I take walks and I do the Wii fitness, which is all I'm allowed to do, and it does NOTHING. This Lyrica... my goddess. Sometimes I swear, I feel like the doctors are right and all of this is in my head! But it's not ...

The only thing that is keeping me floating are my parakeets and Purple day. 

Well, sorry I haven't written in a few, I haven't been feeling up to standard. Not that my standards concerning my health is very high. Just a bit of aura's and pain in my head and left arm. I haven't had any seizures though, so that's a good sign. I hope. Also while I'm on the subject of seizures, just wanted everyone to know that Purple day is coming up. For those who don't know, Purple day is on the 26th of March. It's to show support and awareness of epilepsy and other seizure disorders. I definitely will be wearing purple that day. Will you?

My language lessons are going smoothly. A lot of practicing at night due to the fact that I have no homework. I should think of something I could do to get in some real life practice. So I will learn it faster, on the field. But so far I've learned:
我叫克利苏听。你叫什么名字？ 我的妈妈叫塔米。我爱她。
( translation: My name is Christine. What is your name? My mom's called Tammy. I love her. )

So today was definitely better then past couple of days have been! I had left over sweet potato soup from last night for breakfast. Delicious! I had to go back to sleep for a while but Not before Passing my self-made Chinese test with a B+ !!! I get to go on to the next three lessons! Yay! 我爱普通话。

So after my nap, I got all of my pictures done and was able to clean them up a bit. I can't to post and share them with everyone! Most of them are from my middle and High school days. At least 2001-2007. They are poor quality because I had to take a picture of them, due to lack of scanner, but they still came out gorgeous.

As for my health, I got some relieving news from my own body today. Glad to say I don't have to worry about cancer any time soon.  HAHA. So I also figured out that I have small aura's or partial seizures. I get the funny feeling and that's when my typing and speech goes all wonky. I figure it must be due to the interference with my brain.

I have been so TIRED lately. It just feels like I pierced my eyelids with 25 lb weights. It gets worse when I'm on the computer but generally speaking, it happens any time. It makes it hard to do things; like study, hang out, work, etc. I also been getting a mild/severe headache going on and off recently.
SO, good news is I might be having the surgery sooner then expected. I don't know how my mom is going to pull this off but she pretty much told me she wants me fixed so I can make my own money. Thanks mom... only, you're not the one that has to pay the BILLS. My plan with the disability sounded much better! With disability I could have paid off all the bills I COULD have payed off if they hadn't denied me.

I feel kind of bad for my mother. I was in a quick draw mood today. I could be happy one minute then snap at you the next. I've been tired all day and my headache has steadily grown for the past 3-4 hours. It's been an odd day. Due to the solar flare that happened, our power has been spontaneously flickered on and off for the past day. the phones reception also flickers a lot. Makes me paranoid because I think my phone cuts off on my during a conversation. Haha. But the power doesn't flicker all at once. It happened to us. then a few hours later the other side of the parking lot flickered. Maybe we're on different grids?

I haven't had any more seizures today. That's a relief because... I really don't feel like being sore today. My mother and I started our work outs back up last night and I am SORE. We did the Wii fitness. My mother sucks at balancing. I've gotten rusty but I'm sure to get better the more I practice. Sad news is I gained 8 lbs since in a month. But at least I'm eating healthier.

I finally called the Preexisting Condition Insurance representatives back today. They had told me to call back in a week to know if I was approved or not. I call back and they still don't know. It's frustrating because I have to make all these appointments. I also still have to file my W2 and tax returns. Fun. But I know the paperwork so I can start these other assistance applications that I got my mother to print off. I'm hoping MedicAlert agrees. that way I can get a free Medical ID. I need one.

My day has been going well. First off, I finally am starting to step up to the plate. I got the call from the Law firm that might be helping me with my case. I plan to try for disability again, I hope I can win. These past three years have been really tough on not just me, but my mother as well. We are both so in debt that we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But hopefully with Disability, I'll be able to start paying off all these hospital bills! We're also Starting to apply for Pre-Esixting condition Insurance. With that it might cover some of the costs for the surgery I may need (or any other treatment they think necessary.) that would leave disability to cover some to mostly all the rest. And what they don't, we can be sure to cover.

Now, I know the last time I wrote, i mentioned my two seizures last night. I'm still pretty sore from it all and VERY stiff. It hurts to move a lot. I've been awake all night and all day. Not my fault though, the Law firm called me early. Which is a good thing! But now I'm wiped out, exhausted and sore.

The last piece of news I have is that of the new controversial Kony 2012 Protests. They are trying to make this man, Joseph Kony, more popular around the world so that EVERYONE will know what he's doing. that way the higher officials will have no choice but to find and arrest this man. I'm Pro- Invisible Children 100% but there are many who believe this new NPO is a hoax or scam to steal money. The truth is, ICC is right! There have been over 30,000 children that have been kidnapped from their homes, forced to mutilate and kill their family and friends. The girls they grab, they off up as sex slaves for profit. They call this child Army the LCA. And he's still at it, gaining more children for his own power. I'm all for protecting the rest of these children that are alive and keeping that as innocent as possible.

So last night didn't go too well. At first it was like any normal night. Sat down on my bed and finished creating this site. Practiced my Chinese some. But I must have pulled my neck in the wrong direction without knowing it. Later on, my whole body started shaking. I felt weak and and I couldn't even hold a spoon steady to eat my meal I was having. I knew something was going to happen. So I went back to my room, turned off the lights and laid down,. Sometimes, if I'm patient and do the right things, my aura's will pass over and they turn into anything serious. Well, after a short time of staying calm and keeping my neck straight, it felt like everything might have passed. But when I tried to shift to get more comfy, I went into one. It was a short one, to the point. It hurt bad, not having a seizure for a month or two can really make you forget how it feels!

Well after it was over, I was able to get back up with some minor issues with function.. I got onto one of the support sites for epilepsy and let someone know that I had a seizure. And explained it briefly. I was going to go to bed after a little while. But something stopped me. I had another one. This one was a bit worse then the last time, but like before, I was luck enough to be lying down. After it was over, I could barely move because all my muscles hurt! I typed in another sentence to the group then tried to get my hand and foot to relax.

Typically, when I have a seizure, my limbs will lose function and mobility and just shrivel up on themselves until I can get the muscles to stop contracting. After a bit, I finally got them to ease up. But I was still shaking! Even when I lied down, my body trembled slightly and I couldn't move very much, I was so stiff. I got a few hours of rest. I'm actually about to go back to sleep. The pain still hasn't worn off and I'm exhausted. I just wish I didn't have these anymore.

Well, I definitely have a stronger connection to my wolf side at the moment. I have full control of my phantom limbs and I can practically feel the earth underneath my paws. I know it's not really there, sadly, but the feeling remains. It makes me wonder how I can feel it in my hands, fingers. Maybe it's Psychological in some ways. If my therian side tells me brain to tell my hands to feel like it's touching grass or dirt... of course they would respond as such. I miss the snow though! What I would give to feel the crunch under me. the nippy cold clearing my lungs out and the wind whipping my fur around.

On the other hand, my hybrid Elf - Fae is getting much stronger. I can practically feel energy swarming around me. I can direct it towards people and I learn quickly which energy means which mood in people. It's begun to play a critical part of my daily life. I feel for were I step next in a conversation. I also can feel my Fae claws more often and a spark from my rarely used wings. I've also met my past mate. It was a female Wood Elf that I now call Senna. She was beautiful and kind. I hope to see her again someday.